Hysterically Heddy

I'm going to whine a bit, so strap yourselves in for a bumpy ride.  I have been writing this blog for awhile now, and practically no one reads it. I have my YouTube show that I can't get people interested in. I don't know what to do to gain viewers and readers that's different from what I'm already doing. I ask for feedback and I don't get it, I ask people to share and they don't, I've had to almost beg people to subscribe ... like where are my friends with their support?? Am I just missing it? I've never had an easy time of things, I don't make real relationships easily, I've never been popular. I'm picked last and left easily. Part of my family has nothing to do with me. I'm not even wanted by most people. Normally it doesn't bother me as much as it used to when I was a kid. Lately I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting no where.  I try to support my people but it feels like my girlfriend is the only cheerleader...

It's Sunday!!!! Well, I haven't slept so it's still Sunday to meeeee.   A while ago, I conned my friend Danny out of his Disney+ account info, and promptly forgot it. About a week ago, I found said account info in my phone and have been sneaking onto his account and watching all kinds of rad shit. I finally watched the last Star Wars movie, and one whole episode of The Mandelorian. Stevi and I watched Christmas stuff, and I'm currently watching a Wolverine and The Xmen cartoon I've never seen, though it's too quiet and I have no clue what's going on.  How was your Christmas??? Mine was actually really great! I got to see my whole family on Christmas Eve, and my nephew Liam let me hug him!! It's a gift I treasure. We all got along, and everyone seemed to love the gifts I got them. My nieces and nephews are growing up so fast, I can't get over it. I'm not the best Aunt, I know that, but I at least hope they know I love them. They're really what...

It's been so long! How the heck are ya???  I quit drinking for December.  But then I started again a couple of days ago, and by God I'm glad I did. This year has been too stressful to be all sober and junk.  At least for me. If you're sober good for you, I'm so proud of you!!! Keep going!!! I started a YouTube show, also called Hysterically Heddy, and I've basically been strong arming everyone into watching it. It's about my mental health and makeup and I think it's a solid okay.  I also have new hair!!! Again!!! I'm super like greywhiteblonde and I'm THRIVING with it. Seriously, Michelle did a great job!!! She's a genius!!! @beautybybohanan on Instagram. Go check her out!!! Idk if I'm bipolar because my therapist hasn't diagnosed me with anything other than major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder, but I'm feeling pretty UP lately. I'm grateful because normally I'm depressed and straight up not having a good tim...

So I have news!!! I started up a new venture, YOUTUBE. I say new because it's a new concept. Obviously, I've discussed my previous YouTube channel that had stupidity attached to it, including me being all, "I'm not racist, but..." This one I'm hopeful will be less ignorant and more positive. I'm trying to make a good mark on the world. I shot the first video today and I'm pleased with it, though it could be better. My girlfriend is going to edit it up and then we'll be cooking with primer. It's a makeup channel, and I hope it goes over well. I have been sick for like two weeks. It's either my lower bowels/intestines, or I'm exhausted and can't keep myself moving. There's been no in between. I've gotten down to 217lbs, but I'm still wishing to get lighter. Not like 100lbs lighter, or something like that. I just want to be healthier. I know it's out there somewhere for me.  Today my girlfriend and I went to...

I'm a disembodied head with a painted on smile.  No one really knows me.  There is no me.   It's May 11, 2005.  Two days ago I was whole.  Two days ago I was young, naïve, and free.  Two days ago I was invincible.  Two days ago I was trusting.  I was beautiful.  Young, naïve, free.  I was me.   The day began like any other.  I have new car.  It's red.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Kim says, “Let's go out.  Derby police.  Fun.”  I go.  So does Pat.  We work together, no thoughts no feelings no emotions no worry.  I show up at the bar feeling good.  I'm young, naïve, free.  Twenty one, too young to learn these things.  Pat greets me at the door with a hug.  His smooth black skin touching mine, no thoughts.  He helped raise my brother in law.  He's in his 40's.  He's safe.  I show all my new ride, a 1995 Pontiac Grand Am.  V6, vroom vroom. ...

I'm not sure if anyone reads these, but my cat started peeing on things. Again. Last night she peed on the bed while my girlfriend and I were in it. I made an appointment for her to go to the vet in case she has a uti or something more serious.  I'm worried though that the vet won't check her out adequately. She's a little vicious, and tends to struggle when she's removed from her environment. She's not really acting differently because she's always a bitch, so nothing new there. She always yells at me when I'm there and cries when I leave. She's peed all over my bed at this point, thankfully I have a waterproof cover for it. She's peed all over my couch and we got the smell out but the texture is weird. We shampooed the carpet in the hallway and so far both Briar and Winda are doing good about not peeing on it.  I'm just frustrated and over it. She's an older cat, I got her in July 2008 as a baby, so idk if this is the demise of her cont...