Homo Pimple Poppers

I don't understand how there are people in the world who don't like to pop pimples. They don't experience the multitude of joy that I do? They don't watch those little pores divulge their deepest secrets to me as I watch in all my enthusiasm? They don't see their pimples shoot across the counter onto the mirror and want to show their girlfriend how mighty the zit was? How is this possible?

My girlfriend and I spend some of our quality alone time watching Dr. Pimple Popper, and other shows on the internet, and then taking our crappy tools and pestering each other with them. Just today I cleansed her nose while she attacked my chin. Couples that pop pimples together stay together. [This is currently a theory, but can't be proven until one of us dies while we're still together, so hopefully several years from now.]

I actually thought about pursuing a career in stabbing people's acne with a sharp needle for the beautiful puss-nuggets inside, but I get paid too much at my current job than I think I would make doing that, and also I don't think I'll have clients that will ever enjoy me exclaiming in pure bliss how terrible their skin is and how much I love it, which I know for a fact would be my response. Hell, when I am pressing on my girlfriend's nose and her pores surrender to my mighty prowess I'm ALWAYS like, "HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT HOW MUCH SHIT WAS IN YOUR NOSE!!! IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!" She takes it like a champ, though.

I don't know why she loves me, but I'm here for it.