Keep On Rockin in the Free World ... Free ... World?
My poor dog was sicker than I thought she was. She ended up vomiting a bunch, and then she pooped bloody poos in my kitchen. So instead of risking her aesthetic locks at the groomers she went to the vet, where they pumped her full of stuff to re-hydrate her, then they prescribed her with some expensive dog food in cans for her tummy. Apparently the blood was from her colon, not her pooping blood, so she has some probiotics she is taking in addition to the expensive food. So far it appears to be working and her tummy is back to normal.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without my dog. I got Winda towards the end of a relationship with a man that couldn't please me mostly because he didn't want to, and it was three years of on again off again bliss and misery. Don't get me wrong, I loved him. He was a calming influence in my unmedicated, very chaotic life. Had I been healthy with him, I think the relationship would have lasted a lot less than the three years, because I wouldn't have needed him so badly. I would have taken Briar, our cat, and moved on. BUT being with him the full time got me my dog, and I need them both to be functional. He just didn't have what I needed, and I broke whatever it was that made him want to be good to me. I'm grateful for the good times, but I resent him a lot more than he deserves. He's better than the last few guys I've been with, so I should harbour no ill will.
I remember when Winda turned a year old, and him and I had been broken up for several months. He didn't even call or text to say happy birthday to her. And I cried like a baby over a man who didn't care that our dog turned a year old, and felt like a single mother. Seriously, you guys. I was at my ex best friend Kate's house crying that he didn't care about his children. This is how fucked up I am. I consider these animals, Briar and Winda, his and I's children, and I consider him an abandoner because he never once tried to see them when we broke up. Why would any one want to be with someone as crazy as me? The honest answer is I don't know.
I could write a really interesting book about all the things relationships have done to me. And a fairly scathing book about what I've done to people I supposedly loved. The only men I love are gay men. It took me 30ish years to figure out that I can't have a functional relationship with a man. Maybe one day I can share my life story, and then people would understand how I got to where I am. But for now I can just say that there's not one relationship with a man that I've had in my entire life that was functional. One thing is constant, I don't deserve anyone that loves me, and I will always fulfill Cody Holloway's prophesy from 9th grade that no man would ever want me. You're right, douche bag. BUT turns out I'm pretty gay soooooooo
This Coronavirus is killing what little bit of sanity I have and all I do is think of the past and how fucked up I am, and how much my medication is just a mask I wear voluntarily so I can be something more than a mess.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without my dog. I got Winda towards the end of a relationship with a man that couldn't please me mostly because he didn't want to, and it was three years of on again off again bliss and misery. Don't get me wrong, I loved him. He was a calming influence in my unmedicated, very chaotic life. Had I been healthy with him, I think the relationship would have lasted a lot less than the three years, because I wouldn't have needed him so badly. I would have taken Briar, our cat, and moved on. BUT being with him the full time got me my dog, and I need them both to be functional. He just didn't have what I needed, and I broke whatever it was that made him want to be good to me. I'm grateful for the good times, but I resent him a lot more than he deserves. He's better than the last few guys I've been with, so I should harbour no ill will.
I remember when Winda turned a year old, and him and I had been broken up for several months. He didn't even call or text to say happy birthday to her. And I cried like a baby over a man who didn't care that our dog turned a year old, and felt like a single mother. Seriously, you guys. I was at my ex best friend Kate's house crying that he didn't care about his children. This is how fucked up I am. I consider these animals, Briar and Winda, his and I's children, and I consider him an abandoner because he never once tried to see them when we broke up. Why would any one want to be with someone as crazy as me? The honest answer is I don't know.
I could write a really interesting book about all the things relationships have done to me. And a fairly scathing book about what I've done to people I supposedly loved. The only men I love are gay men. It took me 30ish years to figure out that I can't have a functional relationship with a man. Maybe one day I can share my life story, and then people would understand how I got to where I am. But for now I can just say that there's not one relationship with a man that I've had in my entire life that was functional. One thing is constant, I don't deserve anyone that loves me, and I will always fulfill Cody Holloway's prophesy from 9th grade that no man would ever want me. You're right, douche bag. BUT turns out I'm pretty gay soooooooo
This Coronavirus is killing what little bit of sanity I have and all I do is think of the past and how fucked up I am, and how much my medication is just a mask I wear voluntarily so I can be something more than a mess.
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