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Showing posts from April, 2020

Again [A Poem in Rambles]

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Off my meds again Say it again Off my meds again Will I ever be forgiven For all the things  I can't say outloud Prick my finger Count to ten And back again Off my meds again Its 3am again Off my meds again And I can't breathe And I'm so sorry And I'm so broken Prick my finger Count to ten And back again Off my meds again Break mirrors again Off my meds again My skin is heavy It's so loud But it's silent Count to ten And back again

A Letter to Dr. Now

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Dear Dr. Nowzaradan, My name is Heather, I sometimes go by Heddy. You don't know me, nor should you ever have the the chance to meet me. But I have a confession to make. I ate an entire pizza today. All by myself. In less than an hour. I weigh less than 600lbs and I don't want your surgery. I just wanted to confess to you that I can't control my eating habits anymore. I need you to judge me and ask me why I eat so much. I need you to do that, so if you could magically know me and suddenly care about me that would be great. I need you to put me on a 1200 calorie a day diet. Low to no carbs, no sugar, high protein. And I need you to be very disappointed me me when I don't make your goals that you set for me. I want to see your tiny lil frame fill with barely concealed disgust when I walk in just as plump and sassy as I did the month before.This is not the first whole pizza I've eaten in the last 30 days. I'm spiraling out of control. I haven't...

Keep On Rockin in the Free World ... Free ... World?

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My poor dog was sicker than I thought she was. She ended up vomiting a bunch, and then she pooped bloody poos in my kitchen. So instead of risking her aesthetic locks at the groomers she went to the vet, where they pumped her full of stuff to re-hydrate her, then they prescribed her with some expensive dog food in cans for her tummy. Apparently the blood was from her colon, not her pooping blood, so she has some probiotics she is taking in addition to the expensive food. So far it appears to be working and her tummy is back to normal. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my dog. I got Winda towards the end of a relationship with a man that couldn't please me mostly because he didn't want to, and it was three years of on again off again bliss and misery. Don't get me wrong, I loved him. He was a calming influence in my unmedicated, very chaotic life. Had I been healthy with him, I think the relationship would have lasted a lot less than the three y...